I Used To Be Happy

[Verse 1] I wore the carpet into roads And built whole worlds behind my door I thought that home was what you owed For learning not to ask for more I called it joy when no one fought Called silence safe, called coping play A child can live inside a thought And name survival “every day” [Pre-Chorus] I wasn’t free, I just was small Too young to see the weight at all [Chorus] I used to be happy, or so I believed I mistook being numb for being relieved Now every hour has something to prove I’m always alive, but I’m never unmoved [Verse 2] My calendar knows me by name The laundry wears my favourite chair I clock in tired, clock out the same Then spend my freedom getting nowhere I used to play my songs for fun Now I turn them up to leave my head And when the final note is done I choose a little death called bed [Pre-Chorus] My life is mine, at least on paper But every day collects its labour [Chorus] I used to be happy, or so I believed I mistook being numb for being relieved Now every hour has something to prove I’m always alive, but I’m never unmoved [Bridge] Maybe childhood wasn’t light Maybe I just learned the dark Maybe growing up means finding Every bruise that left no mark [Final Chorus] I used to be happy, that’s what I believed A memory edited down to deceive Now every hour is bought and sold When do I get to be someone I know? [Chorus Reprise] I used to be happy, or good at the role I learned how to vanish and still appear whole Now every hour keeps asking my name How much of me survived what I became?