Rotisserie Divorce Court (It Was The Duck)

I met him under heat lamps, aisle nine, no shame, golden skin, sweet seasoning, Paultry was his name. He was spinnin' slow, lookin' loyal, smellin' like belief I was weak, I was hungry... and that duck saw my grief. Duck slid up like "psst, girl... do it for the plot," said "men are trash but this bird stays hot." He said "put a ring on it," I said "sir, that's insane," then I blacked out at Costco and woke up with a new last name. Now the whole town's talkin' like I lost my mind... but your honor, please... I was influenced by crime. ROTISSERIE DIVORCE COURT! It was the duck He talked me into marriage when I was down on my luck. ROTISSERIE DIVORCE COURT! Lord, what a mess I got played by poultry and a waterfowl hex. IT WAS THE DUCK! Now I'm servin' papers with a side of ranch trauma, my mama's in the gallery prayin' for my karma. They show the wedding footage, I start seein' red, the duck was in the background noddin' his head. He brought the hot sauce, he signed as my witness, your honor this duck has malice and business. Then Paultry took my gravy boat, took the good mac too and I swear he did it smug 'cause the duck told him to. And the duck he won't blink... he just quacks like he owns the whole damn county. ROTISSERIE DIVORCE COURT! It was the duck- He talked me into marriage when I was down on my luck. ROTISSERIE DIVORCE COURT! Lord, what a mess I got played by poultry and a waterfowl hex. IT WAS THE DUCK! Well the judge said "ma’am…” and she rubbed her eyes, like "is this chicken legal or is this duck just lies?" I said "your honor… yes." Lord help me, I confess. And the bailiff yelled "bring in the duck!" WHO RUINED HER LIFE?! THE DUCK! WHO SIGNED THE PAPERS?! THE DUCK! WHO'S GOIN' TO JAIL TONIGHT?! ...oh, good Lord. ROTISSERIE DIVORCE COURT! (HEY!) IT WAS THE DUCK! (HEY!) I WANT FULL CUSTODY OF THE DRUMSTICK! (WHAT?!) ROTISSERIE DIVORCE COURT! (HEY!) HE TOOK THE SAUCE! (HEY!) BUT I TOOK BACK MY DIGNITY AND CHANGED THE LOCKS! IT WAS THE DUCK! (HEY!) SAY IT LOUD! (HEY!) I'M NOT CRAZY I WAS PEER-PRESSURED BY A BIRD IN A CROWD! Then the judge looked down like "Lord… okay." said "I can't believe I'm sayin' this today…" Divorce granted. Case closed.