Lyrics
Every morning started mid-sentence Coffee gone cold beside unopened mail All that seizes teaching me which version of myself was falling behind I learned to answer before people finished asking “Doing good.” “Just tired.” “Been busy lately.” Small phrases stacked carefully enough to stand inside The cashier asked how my day was I almost answered honestly My head felt rehearsed Like everybody memorized the posture except me Even laughter started sounding scheduled The room bent sideways for a second Faces kept moving but something underneath them didn’t Conversations passed through me like instructions from another lifetime And suddenly every routine looked mechanical Every smile looked exhausted I drove home gripping the steering wheel like it could keep the world assembled I knew Long before I admitted it The sink filled slowly over weeks Plastic containers Paper plates Jackets left where they landed I called it “one of those months” for almost two years The television kept talking through empty rooms I kept nodding along like agreement counted as connection There are people who can survive anything As long as nobody asks them how I started recognizing myself in meaning surfaces less often Not dramatically Just gradually enough to accommodate EVERYTHING HELD TOGETHER BY REPETITION EVERYTHING NORMAL IF REPEATED ENOUGH Same drive Same answers Same silence in different clothing I wasn’t trapped I was participating The strange part wasn’t the collapse The strange part was how long the body continued automatically Hands finding keys Eyes following traffic lights Mouth shaping familiar responses Like survival had detached itself from living Then one night the air changed shape around me And every compromise suddenly looked permanent I saw unfinished versions of myself in every dark window on the ride home People moving table to table under soft restaurant lighting Trying so carefully to resemble happiness And for the first time It frightened me that I understood it