Gary's Milk

[Verse 1] Quarter after eight at the backyard gate, Gary brought a cloudy jug and said, “Man, you're gonna love the taste!” Set it on the table with a proud and stupid grin, “This is something traditional, everybody dig right in!” Chad took a little sip and slowly licked his lip, “It's sour, creamy, fizzy...” then he took another sip. Steve said, “I'll try some too, just to see what it's about.” [Takes a sip] “Okay... I kinda like it. What the hell is this stuff about?” Trevor grabbed the jug and nearly dropped his glass, “What the hell is in this thing?!” Gary smiled and said, “It's my kumis.” Steve stared at him and said, “...I think I'm gonna pass.” [Chorus] “WHY DOES GARY KEEP SAYING, ‘THAT'S MY KUMIS’?!” Everybody freezes when he raises up his glass, “WHY DOES GARY KEEP SAYING, ‘THAT'S MY KUMIS’?!” “It's just a normal drink, now quit being an ass!” “WHAT'S IN THE KUMIS?!” “WHY'S IT BUBBLING LIKE THAT?!” “It's fermented!” “YEAH, WE KNOW THAT!” “WHY DOES GARY KEEP SAYING, ‘THAT'S MY KUMIS’?!” He pours another glass and says, “Come on, have some more!” Someone whispers, “...I think I actually like it.” [Gary] “SEE?! THAT'S WHAT MY KUMIS IS FOR!” [Verse 2] Melissa pointed at the jug, “Gary, what's inside?” Gary said, “It's obviously milk.” Steve said, “What kind?” Gary said, “Mare.” Steve said, “Like a horse?” Gary said, “That's right.” Trevor yelled, “You brought horse milk to the party tonight?!” Gary said, “No, I brought kumis. You're not listening right!” Everyone went silent, staring at the glass, “It's fermented mare's milk...” “...And how long does it last?” Gary said, “This batch is young, it's only been three days.” Everyone screamed, “THREE DAYS?!” Gary smiled, “That's the first phase.” Steve said, “Wait, the FIRST?!” Gary said, “Yeah, there's more.” Chad said, “How many times?!” Gary said, “Depends what you're looking for.” Everyone yelled, “GARY!” [Chorus] “WHY DOES GARY KEEP SAYING, ‘THAT'S MY KUMIS’?!” Everybody freezes when he raises up his glass, “WHY DOES GARY KEEP SAYING, ‘THAT'S MY KUMIS’?!” “It's just a normal drink, now quit being an ass!” “WHAT'S IN THE KUMIS?!” “WHY'S IT BUBBLING LIKE THAT?!” “It's fermented!” “YEAH, WE KNOW THAT!” “WHY DOES GARY KEEP SAYING, ‘THAT'S MY KUMIS’?!” He pours another glass and says, “Come on, have some more!” Someone whispers, “...I think I actually like it.” [Gary] “SEE?! THAT'S WHAT MY KUMIS IS FOR!” [Verse 3] Gary said, “This batch is strong, the flavor's coming through, It's got a little alcohol, about a percent or two.” Chad yelled, “WHY DOES MILK HAVE BOOZE?!” Gary said, “Because I fermented it.” Chad yelled, “I KNOW THAT!” Gary said, “Then why'd you ask it?” Melissa raised her glass and said, “I'll have another pour.” Gary grinned and said, “Now that's what my kumis is for!” Melissa said, “Don't say it.” Gary said, “Say what?” Melissa said, “You know.” Gary said, “My kumis?” “GARY!” [Bridge] Steve: “It's milk.” Melissa: “Mare's milk.” Chad: “Fermented.” Trevor: “And mildly boozy.” Steve: “But somehow this weird-ass drink Is actually pretty juicy!” Everyone: “IT'S FUCKING GOOD!” Steve: “Then what's the problem?!” Everyone: “THE NAME!” Steve: “Just call it something else!” Gary: “But that's its name!” Steve: “Stop saying ‘MY kumis!’” Gary: “But it's mine all the same!” Steve: “THAT'S EXACTLY THE PROBLEM!” [Drunk Guy] “Hey Gary, can I have some kumis?” [Everyone] “NO!” [Drunk Guy] “Can I have a glass?” [Gary] “Now that's the proper ask.” [Drunk Guy] “Holy shit! This stuff is good!” [Gary] “I knew you'd like my kumis!” [Final Chorus] “WHY DOES GARY KEEP SAYING, ‘THAT'S MY KUMIS’?!” Everybody's drinking while Gary laughs across the room, “WHY DOES GARY KEEP SAYING, ‘THAT'S MY KUMIS’?!” “It's just a normal drink, why are you making such a fuss?!” “WHAT'S IN THE KUMIS?!” “WHY'S IT BUBBLING LIKE THAT?!” “MARE'S MILK!” “FERMENTED!” “YEAH, WE KNOW THAT!” “WHY DOES GARY KEEP SAYING, ‘THAT'S MY KUMIS’?!” The jug is almost empty and everybody wants some more, Someone says, “I'm gonna make a batch at home for sure!” [Everyone] “WHAT?!” [Gary] “SEE?!” [Everyone] “NO!” [Final Hit] [Gary] “THAT'S WHAT MY KUMIS IS FOR!”