Recent Discoveries in Liquid Form No-Mormon Tabernacle Choir (Fire Cut)

[Start – Spoken / Formal Announcement] Brothers, sisters, and assorted former occupants of the cultural hall— We have recently discovered... coffee. [Choir – Awestruck] Coffeeeeee... [Spoken] We have also discovered alcohol. [Choir – Much More Awestruck] ALCOHOOOOOL! [Spoken] Settle down. This meeting has already become considerably less organized. [Intro – Bright and Ceremonial] So much was not as we were taught So many pleasures came to naught For reasons vague and warnings dire— Then someone brought a coffee grinder [Verse 1] Dark-roast fragrance filled the room Warm as bread and rich as bloom Bitter, velvet, deep, divine— Apparently!, this was here the whole Damn time!?! Cream may soften, sugar may sing Espresso does a sterner thing Cold brew slides in smooth and sly Then reorganizes both your eyes Caffeine, glorious caffeine! Most productive drug we’ve ever seen Blocks adenosine’s sleepy plea And rents your brain some energy Not energy— [Choir – Correcting] Alertness! [Lead] Yes, technically! But “Borrowed wakefulness” scans terribly [Pre-Chorus] One warm cup The morning clears Two warm cups We volunteer Three warm cups— [Choir – Rapidly] We cleaned the loft Refiled the music Called our mothers Started jogging Learned some Spanish— [Spoken] You learned four nouns. [Chorus] Caffeine! Glorious, rapturous Slightly insidious caffeine! Lift the mug Awake the head Make us briefly competent! Caffeine! Delicious deliverance Roasted brown magnificence! Raise the cup But hear this rhyme: It only borrows sleep from another time [Verse 2 – Swinging Faster] Then came lager, wine, and gin Bourbon said, “May I come in?” Tequila kicked away the door And misplaced somebody’s underclothes Alcohol! Oh, my, my, my Warm in the chest and loose in the tie Makes the shy attempt at dance Makes Uncle Dale explain romance A glass can soften social fear Make strangers interesting and near Flavor dinner, toast the year Turn “I should leave” to “One more beer!” Fermented fruit! Distilled delight! Civilization’s ancient night! One more truth we now can state: Prohibition... made you people... us....weird (so weird) [Chorus – Bigger, Looser] Caffeine! Glorious, rapturous Slightly insidious caffeine! Start the day Improve the pace Put opinions in our face! Alcohol! Convincing, shimmering Oh-so-dangerous alcohol! Raise the glass Enjoy the cheer— But do not let the tonic do the steering here [Instrumental Break – Celebration Becoming Unsteady] [Choir] Coffee! Cocktails! Freedom! Brunch! Coffee! Cocktails! Freedom— [Beat Stops] [Single Voice] Has anybody seen my car? [Spoken – Suddenly Sober] You did not bring your car. [Single Voice] Excellent planning. [Beat Pulls Back] [Verse 3 – Measured] Newly free does not mean proof That every fence concealed no roof Some old rules were built from shame Some warnings still deserve their name Caffeine can steal the sleep you need Feed the tremor, race the speed Anxious hearts may pay the cost Cup by cup, the calm gets lost Alcohol can blur consent Break the liver, drain the rent Wreck a home, suppress the breath Turn one reckless drive to death It mixes badly, lies with charm Makes danger feel immune to harm Dependence does not mean you failed It means get help—not judged or jailed [Bridge – Warm Choir] Freedom is not doing everything denied Freedom is deciding with your eyes open wide Know the dose Know your mind Leave the shame and myths behind Eat before Alternate Water is your drinking mate Keep your friends Respect the “no” Take the keys before you go And if the joy becomes a need There is courage in admitting it There is strength in getting free [Build] No forbidden leaf No demon drink No righteous elder required to think No guilt because you like the taste No medal earned for getting wasted [Final Chorus – Full Choir] Caffeine! Glorious, rapturous Manageably insidious caffeine! Lift the mug Enjoy the spark Just don’t drink six after dark! Alcohol! Festive and perilous Beautiful, terrible alcohol! Raise the glass Then know your line A tonic can be lovely without becoming benign We were wrong And they were too Now the choosing falls to you Learn the pleasure Learn the price Freedom tastes much better served with sound advice [Outro – Ceremonial] So here is to coffee— [Choir] To coffee! [Lead] To wine with dinner— [Choir] To dinner! [Lead] To designated drivers— [Choir – Thunderous] THE TRUE CHOSEN PEOPLE! [Spoken] And to discovering the world without immediately trying to consume all of it. [Pause] Who made another pot? [Choir – Guiltily] Brother Dale. [Spoken] It is eleven-thirty at night, Dale. [Final Chord] Daaaaaale! [End]