Hands to Hold Me Down

LORD, TURN YOUR FAVOR UPON THIS SINFUL JEZEBEL WHO KNEELS BEFORE YOU. A REFORMED WOMAN — I, BR33ZY, FORMER DEGENERATE, HAVE CAST OFF MY WICKED WAYS TO EMBRACE YOU FULLY, TO SUBMIT MYSELF TO THE WILL OF YOUR ONLY SON, JESUS, THAT HE SHOULD MOLD ME WITH HIS FIRM HANDS, TAKE ME INTO HIS STRONG ARMS, BEND ME UNTIL I NEARLY BREAK, THAT HE MIGHT RESHAPE ME INTO A GOOD WOMAN, STRONG IN HER FAITH. TAKE ME, JESUS! TAKE ME AWAY! TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF AND SHOW ME THEM ABS! Been submerged for what, like three minutes? Maybe the pastor thinks it’ll look like an accident. Is that why he served free donuts — so I’d fill my gullet with frosted chocolate, choke on it too? I did hit on his son, then ghosted him, so maybe the filthier the sin, the longer the dip. I think I saw this movie as a kid. Forget it, I’ve had my fill of demonic possession. OH LORD, HOLD ME DOWN, BREAK MY WILL, TARNISH MY CROWN. LORD, HOLD ME DOWN, TAKE MY BREATH, LET ME DROWN. Must think myself so darn clever, equating ancient Christian religious practices to BDSM pleasure. Shame and withholding notwithstanding, this feels like well-pummulled satirical dead horses. But I never could say no to a long shot. So two hundred big ones on Akin to Faith, twenty-six to one odds. OH LORD, WHATEVER’S WEIGHING ME DOWN, LET IT FALL AWAY. FLOAT ME UP TO THE CLOUDS, FILL MY DARK NIGHT WITH MORNING LIGHT. OH GLORY, GLORY BE THY NAME— MAYBE I CAME HERE FOR THE DONUTS, OR MAYBE TO choke ON THE DONUTS. EITHER WAY, YOU GOT ME IN THE WATER. EITHER WAY, I’M COMING UP FOR AIR. And if you still want a testimony, write it on my skin in permanent marker. I’ll pretend it’s holy scripture preach it to the willing. OH LORD, HOLD ME DOWN, BREAK MY WILL, TARNISH MY CROWN. LORD, HOLD ME DOWN, TAKE MY BREATH, LET ME DROWN— LORD, HOLD ME DOWN, TAKE MY BREATH, LET ME DROWN. OH LORD, HOLD ME DOWN, BREAK MY WILL, TARNISH MY CROWN. LORD, HOLD ME DOWN, TAKE MY BREATH, LET ME DROWN— THEN CALL IT LOVE, AND I’LL BELIEVE YOU. BUT WHEN YOU COME KNOCKING I'LL PROBABLY PRETEND I'M NOT HOME. I PROBABLY WON'T CALL YOU BACK.