Aliens Stole My Wife But Brought Her Back ’Cause She Stank

[Verse 1] Earlene was out back yelling at a possum Waving wet towels at the evening sky Her husband Dale was eating cold bologna Watching June bugs smack the screen door fly The supper pot was sour on the table The porch cat gagged and left the room Earlene scratched her knee and hollered, “Dale, you lazy fool Come help me hang these socks before the moon” Then the hens all squawked and the hound dog fainted A round thing dipped above the turnip patch Dale saw Earlene float up past the clothesline With two tube socks and a skillet full of scraps He dropped his plate and praised the heavens Then acted sad when neighbors came Said, “My poor sweet wife got took by strangers But leave that casserole just the same” [Pre-Chorus] Sheriff said, “Dale, we better form a search” Dale said, “Check the pie first, then the church” [Chorus] Aliens stole my wife Took her clean away Aliens brought her back Said she stank up the Milky Way [Post-Chorus] She hit the ground mad with a sock in her hand Dale said, “Lord, that weren’t the plan” [Verse 2] Before the rooster made his morning racket That saucer came wobbling over the shed Dropped Earlene flat in the pumpkin patch With a pickle jar helmet on top of her head She had a note pinned under her collar Written weird but plain enough to read “Dear Earth man, keep your lovely lady She made our captain crawl and plead” Earlene stomped inside the kitchen Smelled like onions, rain, and old raccoon Dale tried hiding under newspapers But she found him by the spoon She said, “You smiled when them things took me” He said, “Baby, I was scared half dead” She said, “Then why’d you sell my good church shoes And sleep so peaceful in our bed?” [Pre-Chorus] Neighbors lined the fence with plates and jars Waiting for the saucer to come back from the stars [Chorus] Aliens stole my wife Took her clean away Aliens brought her back Said she stank up the Milky Way [Post-Chorus] She chased poor Dale clear past the van That saucer left with no return plan [Bridge] Dale built a sign from a busted door “Take my wife, please try once more” Earlene saw it by the yard sale rack Now Dale sleeps out back with the sacks [Final Chorus] Aliens stole my wife Took her clean away Aliens brought her back Said she stank up the Milky Way [Outro] Now every night when the sky gets wide Dale sets Earlene’s socks outside But nothing comes near that county lane Since Earlene rode home smelling twice the same