Patricia's Pasta

ANGEL HAIR SPAGHETTI [Intro – Female, sweet] Mmm… Patricia’s famous spaghetti… Everybody loves my recipe… [Verse 1 – Male, rap-sung] Sunday dinner, table packed, everybody’s feeling good Patricia brought her spaghetti like everybody knew she would Big glass bowl in the middle, sauce is smelling incredible Garlic bread beside it, Parmesan on the table Everybody grabbed a plate, everybody dug right in “This is fucking amazing!” “Patricia, where you been?” Noodles soft and delicate, thin as they could be Everybody kept on eating, nobody questioned what they’d see [Internal Dialogue – Barbara] Okay, this is actually incredible The sauce is perfect, noodles have a crazy texture Wait… Why is there something stuck to my fork? [Internal Dialogue – Doug] Is that… Is that a piece of hair? Nah. Probably just a noodle. [Verse 2 – Male, rap-sung] Jennifer pulled a strand out, held it up beneath the light Thought it was a noodle but the texture didn’t look right She tugged on it gently and the whole damn thing came free Then Patricia walked behind her and said— [Patricia – sweetly] “Oh! You found one!” [Silence] [Jennifer] “…Found what?” [Patricia] “My hair.” [Beat Drop] [Chorus – Explosive Nu-Metal] “WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS IS ANGEL HAIR?!” Everybody stopped eating, staring at their chairs Jennifer pulled a strand out and held it in the air Patricia smiled and said, “Oh yeah, that’s my hair!” “WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS IS ANGEL HAIR?!” Patricia said “Of course it is, I made it with care!” She twirled another forkful, completely unaware “Would you like some more? I put extra hair in there!” [Post-Chorus – Call & Response] “THAT’S YOUR HAIR?!” “Yeah!” “IN THE SPAGHETTI?!” “Yeah!” “WHY?!” “It’s angel hair.” [Verse 3 – Male, rap-sung] Now everybody’s checking every single plate Pulling out the noodles, trying to separate Barbara found three hairs wrapped around a meatball Doug found one underneath the garlic bread basket Pastor Mike stood up and slowly backed away Patricia looked confused like she had something to say She grabbed another forkful, took a bite and smiled “Honestly, I think this batch turned out really nice.” [Internal Dialogue – Barbara] She doesn't understand. She genuinely doesn't understand. [Internal Dialogue – Doug] Why is she eating it?! [Patricia – sweetly] “I don't mind a little extra.” [Pre-Chorus – Building] Everybody started asking questions all at once “Patricia, how much hair did you put in this?!” Patricia looked around the room Counted silently on her fingers… [Patricia] “Honestly? I lost count.” [Chorus – Bigger] “WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS IS ANGEL HAIR?!” Everybody stopped eating, staring at their chairs Jennifer pulled a strand out and held it in the air Patricia smiled and said, “Oh yeah, that’s my hair!” “WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS IS ANGEL HAIR?!” Patricia said “Of course it is, I made it with care!” She twirled another forkful, completely unaware “Would you like some more? I put extra hair in there!” [Post-Chorus – More chaotic] “THAT’S YOUR HAIR?!” “Yeah!” “IN THE SPAGHETTI?!” “Yeah!” “WHY?!” “It’s angel hair.” [Bridge – Escalating insanity] [Internal Dialogue – Priest From Down The Street] I have seen some strange things at church suppers… But this is new. [Internal Dialogue – Little Cousin Derek] I mean… It still tastes pretty good. [Everyone] “DEREK, SHUT UP!” [Patricia – sweetly] “I also made garlic bread!” [Everyone] “NO!” Patricia walked back into the kitchen Nobody knew what to do She came back with another bowl And everybody screamed— [Patricia] “I made enough for everyone!” [Breakdown] HAIR IN THE SAUCE! HAIR ON THE PLATE! HAIR ON THE FORK! HAIR IN THE BAKE! HAIR! HAIR! HAIR! HAIR! [Patricia – sweetly] “Would anyone like Parmesan?” [Everyone] “NOOOOOOOOO!” [Final Chorus – Full Meltdown] “WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS IS ANGEL HAIR?!” Everybody’s losing it, nobody wants to stay here Jennifer threw her plate and Doug ran out the door Patricia stood there asking, “What are you all upset for?” “WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS IS ANGEL HAIR?!” Patricia said “It’s homemade, and I made a whole lot this year!” Then she lifted up the bowl with a proud and happy grin— [Patricia] “Come on, everybody! Dig in!” [Final Hit] “THAT’S YOUR HAIR?!” [Patricia] “Yeah!” “IN THE SPAGHETTI?!” “Yeah!” “WHY?!” [Patricia – sweetly] “It’s angel hair.” [Outro – Female, sweet] Mmm… Patricia’s famous spaghetti… Everybody loves my recipe…