Lyrics
PARADOXICAL [Intro] Yeah... I want somebody to understand me, But I barely let myself be seen. [Verse 1] I got a thousand thoughts behind a quiet face, A million things I'll never say in the right place. I want someone to ask me what's wrong and actually stay, But when they get too close, I find a reason to walk away. Last person I trusted took the trust I had left, Turned every open door into another regret. Now I question every motive, every word, every step, Like expecting betrayal somehow keeps me protected. I learned how to laugh when I'm falling apart, How to say "I'm good" with a war in my heart. I want to be understood without showing the scars, I want somebody to know me without knowing how hard it is. [Pre-Chorus] I'm not cold, I'm cautious. Not distant, just exhausted. I want somebody to see me, But being seen makes me nauseous. [Chorus] I'm paradoxical, I want to speak, then I shut down. I want somebody to know me, But I disappear when they come around. I want to drop these walls, But I built them for a reason. I want somebody to understand Without giving them a reason to leave me bleeding. I'm paradoxical, I'm my shelter and my threat. I want people in my life, But I don't know how to trust them yet. [Verse 2] I overanalyze everything somebody says, Looking for the hidden knife before it hits my chest. I expect the worst, then call it common sense, Build a case against a person before they're even suspect. I don't need saving, I just want to be heard, But the second someone asks, I swallow every word. I hate being misunderstood, But explaining myself feels worse. So I disappear, then wonder why nobody noticed first. I got trust issues I never asked to inherit, Old conversations still living in my spirit. Somebody broke what I had barely repaired, Now I keep everybody out and pretend I don't care. Maybe that's the paradox I'm starving for connection while I'm guarding every entrance. I want someone to know the truth, But I'm terrified they'll use it as a weapon. [Chorus] I'm paradoxical, I want to speak, then I shut down. I want somebody to know me, But I disappear when they come around. I want to drop these walls, But I built them for a reason. I want somebody to understand Without giving them a reason to leave me bleeding. I'm paradoxical, I'm my shelter and my threat. I want people in my life, But I don't know how to trust them yet. [Bridge] Maybe I'm not impossible, Maybe I'm just hard to reach. Maybe everything I hide Is everything I wish someone could see. I don't need someone to fix me. I don't need someone to save me. I just wish I could let somebody in Without wondering what it'll cost me. [Final Chorus] I'm paradoxical, A contradiction in a skin. I'm begging to be understood While I'm terrified of letting anyone in. I want to be known, But I'm scared of being exposed. I built these walls to keep me safe, Now I don't know how to go home. I'm paradoxical... Maybe that's just who I am. Half of me wants to disappear, The other half just wants someone to understand.