Luigi's Little Masterpiece

[Intro – eerie Italian restaurant ambience, plates clinking, distant accordion] [Luigi – calm, almost ceremonial] “Tonight… special.” [pause] “I shall bring you dis parrot.” [Customer – confused] “...Parrot?” [Luigi] “Pear.” [pause] “Carrot.” [pause] “Together.” [Customer] “...What?” [RECORD SCRATCH] [HEAVY RAP-METAL RIFF] --- [Verse 1 – rapid rap-metal delivery] Walked into Luigi's, hungry, looking for a plate Got a fruit-vegetable staring back at my face Orange on the bottom, pear up top Green little leaves and a root that won't stop Picked it up — juice on my hand Crunch when I bite it, dirt where I stand Sweet like a pear, but it tastes like the ground Chew for a second and the carrot comes around Slice down the middle — WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? Pear flesh wrapped around a carrot core like that Seeds in the center, roots underneath Juice running down while I'm grinding my teeth This isn't a fruit This isn't a root This isn't something You put in a soup It's pear It's carrot It's both at once Luigi walks past: “Very fresh.” --- [Pre-Chorus – melodic build] Sweet on the tongue... Earth in my teeth... Juice on the table... Roots underneath... Something that should never have grown... Something Luigi calls his own... --- [Chorus – huge rap-metal hook] PARROT! PEAR-CARROT! WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU CREATED?! PARROT! FRUIT-ROOT! ONE BODY, TWO FLAVORS! SWEET! CRUNCH! JUICE! DIRT! WHY DOES IT WORK?! PARROT! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M EATING! PARROT! BUT I KNOW THAT IT'S BREATHING! --- [Verse 2 – faster rap-metal] Table two got one, table three got four Now there's orange produce crawling across the floor Roots through the carpet, leaves through the lights Little pear-shaped monsters multiplying overnight One in the kitchen Two by the bar Three underneath somebody's car One in the freezer One in the sink One somehow growing in the bathroom drink Chef hits the panic Waiters hit the door Luigi walks through the middle Like he's done this before Apron covered in dirt Shovel over his shoulder Whole restaurant screaming Luigi getting bolder: “New harvest.” Then the garden starts moving. --- [Pre-Chorus – escalating] Roots through the tile... Leaves through the ceiling... Every single Parrot... Looks like it's breathing... Cut one apart... Two more appear... Luigi's masterpiece... Is multiplying here... --- [Chorus – bigger] PARROT! PEAR-CARROT! WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU CREATED?! PARROT! FRUIT-ROOT! ONE BODY, TWO FLAVORS! SWEET! CRUNCH! JUICE! DIRT! WHY DOES IT WORK?! PARROT! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M EATING! PARROT! BUT I KNOW THAT IT'S BREATHING! --- [Bridge – eerie clean guitar, whispered rap] Pear in the flesh... Carrot in the core... Roots through the floor... Seeds wanting more... Nature didn't make this... Science didn't either... Somewhere in a kitchen... Luigi became a breeder... [pause] Not of birds. Of produce. --- [Breakdown – crushing rap-metal] PEAR! CARROT! FRUIT! ROOT! CUT IT! DIG IT! PULL IT OUT! PEAR! CARROT! SWEET! EARTH! HOW THE HELL... DOES THIS THING WORK?! [Everything cuts] [Luigi – calm] “I shall bring you dis parrot.” [ONE MASSIVE RIFF] [Everybody] “NO!” [Luigi] “Fresh.” [RIFF] --- [Final Rap – escalating flow] Now they're in the garden Now they're in the street Orange little nightmares Growing at my feet Pear-shaped bodies Carrot-colored skin Every time we kill one Another one begins Hundred in the field Thousand by the gate Luigi's standing proudly Watching nature mutate Fruit! Vegetable! Neither! Both! Luigi made a crop That refuses to stop! --- [Final Chorus – massive layered vocals] PARROT! PEAR-CARROT! LUIGI'S LITTLE MASTERPIECE! PARROT! FRUIT-ROOT! NOW THERE'S ONE UNDER MY FEET! PEAR! CARROT! SWEET! EARTH! JUICE! DIRT! WHAT HAVE WE BECOME?! PARROT! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! PARROT! THEY'RE IN THE AIR! PARROT! THE GARDEN'S ALIVE! PARROT! AND LUIGI'S JUST SMILING! --- [Outro – restaurant ambience] [Customer – exhausted] “Luigi…” [pause] “How many Parrots did you make?” [Luigi – calm] “Enough.” [pause] [Low rustling from outside] [Customer] “...What was that?” [Luigi] “Harvest.” [Single distorted guitar note] [Luigi – whisper] “Parrot.”