I Fucking Hate This Song. You Will Too. Blame Rin Raccoon..

[Spoken Word — Dead Serious] Gary: Rin Raccoon... You asked me to make pigs in a blanket. Normal request. Simple request. Sausage. Dough. Oven. Done. Then you said... “Make the blanket foreskin.” "Thats alot of Nerve" [pause] I stopped. I looked at Finster. I said, “Finster... can you selectively kill uncircumcised men?” [pause] “No.” Good. Because that's not cooking. That's a felony. Back to the recipe. So I inventory the kitchen. Sausages? Yes. Mustard? Yes. Toothpicks? Yes. Oven? Obviously. Serving tray? Ready. Blanket? [pause] No. So I start researching. Circumcision rates. Population statistics. Regional availability. And let me tell you something, Rin... The supply chain is terrible. This isn't a grocery shortage. This is a demographic shortage. I actually imagined walking into a supermarket and asking an employee, “Excuse me, where's the uncircumcised section?” [pause] There isn't one. I checked. Not personally. Online. I checked online. And that's when I realized... This isn't a cooking problem. It's logistics. Inventory. Distribution. Procurement. Quality control. I opened a spreadsheet. [pause] I had columns. Availability. Condition. Consent. And, for some reason... “Ceremonial compatibility.” I don't even know why I wrote that. I just stared at it for a while. Then I thought... A rabbi. [pause] No. Wait. A mohel? or is it Moil? [pause] That's worse. That is significantly worse. Because now I'm imagining myself making an appointment and saying, “Hello. I have a very specific catering issue.” [pause] No. Absolutely not. I am not turning dinner into an appointment book. So now I'm back in the kitchen. I've got sausages on the counter. I've got dough. I've got mustard. I've got everything required to make pigs in a blanket... Except the one ingredient Rin specifically requested. And I'm starting to realize something. Rin has taken one of the easiest foods ever invented... and turned it into a procurement crisis. [pause] You know what? Fine. We're improvising. Not illegally. Not creatively. Just... operationally. We're making pigs in a blanket. The traditional way. Sausage. Dough. Oven. And if Rin asks where the other blanket is... [pause] I'll deal with that when she asks. Actually... Wait. Rin wanted foreskin. She specifically wanted foreskin. She's going to know. [pause] Finster. Get the mustard. A lot of mustard. We're going to distract her. [pause] No. Wait. That's not going to work. She knows what she ordered. [pause] Finster... Get the mustard anyway. [pause] Tonight... we make pigs in a blanket. Tomorrow... we deal with the consequences. And Rin Raccoon? [quietly] Next time you request catering... just say crescent rolls. Dinner begins at eight.