Dead Air

[Intro - warm vintage guitar jazz, soft radio static] [Arthur Bell - spoken, resonant, charming, relaxed] Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is W. N. D. R. Broadcasting from the heart of our sleeping city. I’m Arthur Bell. Whether you’re enjoying a nightcap, finishing supper, or avoiding your relatives… [Soft chuckle] I’m delighted you’ve chosen me. Now, a little curiosity from the world of radio. There’s an old rule: never allow five seconds of dead air. Five seconds without a voice, music, or so much as a sound. It’s bad for business, and listeners do tend to wander. Though the fellow who trained me insisted there was another reason. Never told me what. [Amused laugh] Superstitious old fool. [Scene 1 - relaxed jazz, faint static pulses] [Arthur - amused, then distracted] Speaking of peculiar people, our engineer, Mr. Finch, has left me a note. “Keep the microphone open. Do not stop talking.” Rather demanding, don’t you think? And beneath it, five little tally marks. [Brief static flicker] Finch? Are you still in the building? [Music thins] Well, I suppose that’s a no. [Jazz warps, then recovers] Curious. That record has been playing nearly twenty minutes. I don’t recall turning it over. [Scene 2 - jazz falters, dissonant guitar undertone] [Arthur - polite uncertainty] Ladies and gentlemen, a minor problem with the equipment. The studio clock has stopped. Eleven fifty-nine. And the second hand… seems to be moving backward. [Nervous chuckle] Perhaps I should have declined that second whiskey. [Brief static burst, jazz drops out] Finch? That’s quite enough. [Low ominous bass accent] There you are. Would you see to the record player? [Second low bass accent] Finch? [Three restrained low accents] Who’s there? [Impostor - spoken male, resembles Arthur, distant, eerily calm] “Don’t answer it, Arthur.” [Arthur - controlled disbelief] I beg your pardon? [Impostor - same distant radio voice] “Keep talking.” [Scene 3 - no jazz, thin atmospheric drone] [Arthur - nervous courtesy] Well. That was unpleasant. Someone is playing a rather elaborate practical joke. And when I discover who… [Dissonant swell] Stop that! [Quick breath] I apologize. Terribly unprofessional. Wait. There’s something on the back of Finch’s note. “Five seconds is all it needs.” All what needs? [Slow rising harmonic tension] [Impostor - same voice, close and calm] “One.” [Arthur - urgent interruption] Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Still Arthur Bell, still your humble servant, and still very much on the air! [Sudden musical dropout] Oh. Oh, I see. It only moves when there’s nothing to hear. [Scene 4 - exposed voice, slow atmospheric swell] [Arthur - forced cheer turns to fear] Now then! A story! A joke! Two gentlemen enter a bar… No, I’ve forgotten the rest. [Strained chuckle] Dreadful joke anyway. [Thin sustained dissonant guitar tone] Something’s moving behind me. I won’t look. I think that would be unwise. I’m going to tell you something embarrassing. My hands are shaking. Thirty years I’ve talked into this little machine. Thirty years! And for the first time… I cannot think of a single thing to say. [Breath catches] No, Arthur. Keep talking. [Arthur - speech quickens, frightened] The weather! We can discuss the weather! Cold tonight, isn’t it? Unseasonably cold. Especially in here. [Low swell grows beneath speech] Good heavens. I can see my breath. [Scene 5 - music recedes, exposed close voice] [Arthur - frightened, desperate] Ladies and gentlemen, if you’re still listening, I need you to do something for me. Keep your radio playing. Just another minute. I don’t care what you listen to afterward. Music, the news, some dreadful comedian. [Weak chuckle] Just… please… don’t let it go quiet. [Subtle dissonant swell] There’s someone behind the window. [Uneasy pause] He has my face. He’s smiling. He’s opening his mouth. And I believe… he’s waiting for me to close mine. [Voice trembles] No. You can’t have it. You hear me? YOU CAN’T HAVE MY VOICE! [Radio static surges] [Arthur - shouting through interference] Ladies and gentlemen, this is Arthur Bell! W. N. D. R! Still broadcasting! Still here! Still— [Transmission cuts, five seconds of dead air] [Outro - clean cheerful guitar jazz returns] [Impostor - spoken, perfectly mimics Arthur’s cheerful announcer voice] “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is W. N. D. R. I’m Arthur Bell. Whether you’re enjoying a nightcap, finishing supper, or avoiding your relatives… [Soft chuckle] I’m delighted you’ve chosen me. Now… before we continue… Would you kindly look behind you?” [Final abrupt musical cutoff] [End]