A U T O P H O B I A

I’ve been making a few chill tracks lately, and apparently they keep getting more interesting the more uncomfortable the subject gets. This one started with me thinking about the fear of being alone, which led me to autophobia. I started wondering about the more extreme side of that fear, and got stuck on that moment where you suddenly realize just how alone you actually are — while everything around you just keeps going like normal. I’m okay, by the way — just a feeling I wanted to explore. So naturally, I made it into a chill vaporwave track. 𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝕿𝖆𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖓 𝕶𝖊𝖊𝖕𝖊𝖗 – 𝕯𝕸 𝕲𝖎𝖇𝖊𝖑𝖎𝖌𝖔𝖇 🧙‍♂️ ⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻ The lift shudders somewhere above A chair scrapes softly through the floor The radiator clicks in threes I know I've heard that set before The charger rests beyond my hand It might as well be down the road My fingertips find carpet seams And follow where the fibres fold A tap runs somewhere overhead A cupboard shuts, then shoes pass by For half a breath, I wait for more But nothing alters on their side A draft lifts paper by the chair The curtains barely move at all The flat behaves exactly right While I stay stranded on the floor No warning reached another room No absence changed somebody's route Nothing outside has been disturbed There's nothing telling them to search AUTOPHOBIA No arrival expected AUTOPHOBIA Nothing looks affected My absence hasn't changed a thing The building keeps its usual shape AUTOPHOBIA No arrival expected Expected... Expected... No arrival... An ambulance passes close enough Blue stripes sweep over ceiling paint For one ridiculous second My body decides it must be mine The siren thins beyond the crossing My ribs complain when laughter starts I shouldn't find that funny now But somehow that's the funniest part Beneath the dresser, folded paper Oat milk, bin bags, AA cells A shopping list from somebody Who counted on those ordinary things The lift has stopped nearby before Or maybe that's another sound I keep arranging little noises Then lose the order I had found A paper bag brushes the frame Someone pauses outside the flat My whole body prepares for footsteps They continue past AUTOPHOBIA No arrival expected AUTOPHOBIA Nothing looks affected My absence hasn't changed a thing The building keeps its usual shape AUTOPHOBIA No arrival expected Across the rug, the screen wakes up My nerves respond before I do “Storage nearly full.” Then the display withdraws again A pipe knocks somewhere underneath Someone upstairs begins to pace Nothing in the building hesitates I think about that for a while Nothing hesitates That's funny Who would notice something missing If nothing tells them it is gone? I search through names inside my head None of them are expecting me AUTOPHOBIA No arrival expected AUTOPHOBIA Nothing looks affected My absence hasn't changed a thing The building keeps its usual shape AUTOPHOBIA No arrival expec—