Gary's Casserole

[Intro – Gary, smooth] Hey, everybody! Come grab a plate. I made my famous casserole. Family recipe. [Verse 1] Walked into Gary’s party at a quarter after nine Saw a giant casserole looking fucking fine Golden brown and bubbling, cheese dripping down the side Gary stood beside it with that stupid look of pride Steve took a scoop. “Damn, this actually tastes good!” Melissa took a bite. “Gary, this is fucking good!” Then something moved beneath the cheese. Melissa dropped her fork and froze. “Gary... What the hell was that?” Gary smiled and stirred the top. “Probably just a noodle.” [Pre-Chorus] “Don’t worry, everybody, it’s perfectly prepared It’s been sitting in my family longer than you think, I swear” Amanda saw something pink beneath the golden cheese. She screamed: “WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?!” "OH THATS NYMPH-E's MEAT IT MAKES THE CASSEROLE SING" [Chorus] “HOW OLD IS THIS CASSEROLE?!” Everybody stopped eating when they heard the answer “HOW LONG HAS THIS THING BEEN SITTING HERE?!” Gary just smiled and said, “Since the last time I was here!” “HOW OLD IS THIS CASSEROLE?!” “Why does it taste so good if it’s been around this long?” Gary said, “Every time you take a bite, I ADD A LITTLE MORE AND KEEP THE FLAVOR GOING STRONG!” [Verse 2] “Gary, when’d you make this thing?” He looked at them confused. “Make it? I don’t make it. I just add what isn’t used.” He opened up the fridge and pulled out yesterday’s tray. “Here’s Monday’s leftovers. Toss ’em in today.” “Here’s Thanksgiving ’09, and here’s Christmas ’99 And this one’s from my birthday still looking fucking fine!” Trevor stared at Gary. “Christmas ’99?! THAT’S NOT A LEFTOVER! THAT’S A FUCKING RELIC!” Gary grabbed the wooden spoon and gave the dish a stir. Something underneath the crust went: GURGLRGURGLRGURGLR Gary nodded proudly. “See? That means the flavor’s working.” [Pre-Chorus] “Gary, you never throw it out?” “Of course I don’t, my friend! You don’t destroy a masterpiece When you can make it grow again!” Something in the casserole made a popping sound. BLORP! ... BLP! ... GLOP! “See?” [Chorus] “HOW OLD IS THIS CASSEROLE?!” Everybody started backing slowly from the table “HOW LONG HAS THIS THING BEEN SITTING HERE?!” Gary said, “Long enough to make the flavor stable!” “HOW OLD IS THIS CASSEROLE?!” “WHY’S IT BUBBLING LIKE IT’S TRYING TO GET AWAY?!” Gary said, “That’s how you know it’s fresh!” Then it twitched beneath the cheese: "that's just extra seafood" "GET BACK IN THE POT" “IT’S HAVING A GOOD DAY!” [Verse 3] Everybody hit the doorway, everybody wanted out. Gary grabbed another pan and started scraping it about. “JUST MAKE A NEW ONE!” somebody screamed in fear. Gary looked completely puzzled. “BUT WE’VE GOT ONE RIGHT HERE!” He dumped it in a bigger dish, then grabbed another tray. “This one’s from last summer. Never throw good food away!” He mixed them all together till the tabletop was gone, Then proudly wiped his forehead. “See? Nothing’s ever wrong!” Steve stared into the pan. “If he keeps combining every casserole he’s ever made...” Trevor slowly answered: “HOW THE HELL DOES THIS THING HAVE A DATE?!” [Bridge – Gary, smooth] Now hold on, hold on... This isn’t just a meal. This is family tradition. Some families pass down jewelry. Some pass down recipes. My family? We pass down the casserole. And I’m not gonna be the one who breaks the chain. [Breakdown] DON’T THROW IT OUT! THAT’S GOOD FOOD! DON’T THROW IT OUT! THAT’S HOW WE DO! ADD IT IN! MIX IT UP! SCRAPE THE SIDES! FILL IT UP! ONE MORE SCOOP! ONE MORE BITE! KEEP IT COOKING! KEEP IT RIGHT! GARY’S GOT IT! GARY KNOWS! THE OLDER THAT IT GETS! THE BETTER THAT IT GROWS! [Final Chorus] “HOW OLD IS THIS CASSEROLE?!” Everybody screamed as Gary made it bigger “HOW LONG HAS THIS THING BEEN SITTING HERE?!” Gary yelled, “IT’S ONLY GETTING BETTER EVERY YEAR!” “HOW OLD IS THIS CASSEROLE?!” “HOW CAN YOU EVEN KNOW THAT IT’S STILL GOOD?!” Gary said, “EVERY TIME SOMEBODY TAKES A BITE, I ADD A LITTLE MORE LIKE A GOOD CHEF SHOULD!” “HOW OLD IS THIS CASSEROLE?!” Gary raised the spoon while everybody backed away. “HOW LONG HAS THIS THING BEEN SITTING HERE?!” “THE ORIGINAL BATCH WAS MADE IN ’84!” "WHAT THAT'S A LIE, WE DIDNT DATE THINGS UNTIL '75"