4AM Shape

The room feels too small 4AM on the clock Every wall leans in Like searching for my faults My lungs are paper-thin My hands won't stay still I count the cracks in the ceiling Like they might spell out how to survive I count each breath I can feel To keep from counting the pill But my chest stays tight And the air stays mean I can hear my own pulse Crawling under my skin I lost the names of easy sleep Now every thought goes in too deep Every answer turns into fright Every question turns into a fight And I know this shape This old familiar weight It sits on my chest It knows my name The dark don't leave It just learns my face I just let it in I just let it stay A narrow hand on my face Four AM and I'm still here Learning the shape Of this old fear I'll make a home, out of the gravel I'll take the stair, leading straight to my hell If I reach for the door The room reaches back And I said my name like a prayer in dust Every bright thing I lost Comes in hard and fast Remembering the cost Remembering the past Every answer turns into fright Every question turns into a fight So I sit with the ache Let it call me home If I can't be held At least I'm not alone I tried to lock the door Tried to kick you out But you live in the quiet You live in my doubt