Sleepin' on Squirrel Girl (Final Cut)

[Start] [Intro – Spoken / Funky Nerdcore Bounce, Tiny Chitter SFX] Public service announcement: Y’all have been ranking superheroines wrong. Like “printer set to fax mode” wrong. [pause] Please gather your capes, your opinions, and your inadequate threat assessments. [Beat Drops] [Verse 1] Everybody talking ‘bout lasers and flight Telepath queens in designer tights Sword girls, spy girls, cosmic glow Cool, very nice, let the spreadsheet show But y’all keep sleepin’ on the one with the tail Brown curls, big smile, built to prevail Thick mama energy, park-bench queen Making supervillains rethink the scene Doreen Green with the clean routine Cute as a critter but she clears the screen No grimdark pose, no tragic mist Just snacks in the pouch and a tactical wrist She got squirrel-side chatter And a plan in the bag You brought doomsday armor? She brought acorn swag Somehow, somehow That math comes through Whole city saved And she still says “thank you” [Pre-Chorus] She’s not brooding in the rain She’s not posing with a sword She just walks in sweet And solos the board You call that silly? I call that fear ‘Cause the strongest girl alive Has been standing right here [Chorus] Y’all been sleepin’ on Squirrel Girl Wake up, fix your files She got hero in her heart And victory in her smile Thick tail, thick thighs Big brain, bright eyes She ain’t just cute She’s the reason doom dies Y’all been sleepin’ on Squirrel Girl That’s a critical miss Most powerful non-god With a cinnamon twist Coolest in the room No debate, no lie She could save the whole world And still split you fries [Verse 2] Power ain’t always thunder and smoke Sometimes it’s a girl with an unbeatable joke Sometimes it’s friendship weaponized And a villain getting roasted while he’s being advised She don’t need to be mean She don’t need to be cold She got confidence running Like premium code She can talk to the squirrels That’s not a small thing That’s a decentralized woodland information ring Tiny paws in the vents Tiny eyes on the scene You can’t sneak evil Past the nut-based queen Tippy-Toe on deck Whole squad in formation That’s not “cute little help” That’s networked coordination She’s grounded, she’s funny She can humble the stars That’s premium build Without billionaire cars [Chorus – Short Repeat] Y’all been sleepin’ on Squirrel Girl Wake up, fix your files Thick tail, thick thighs Big brain, bright eyes She ain’t just cute She’s the reason doom dies She could save the whole world And still split you fries [Break – Spoken / Beat Pulls Back] Let me be clear. This is not a joke pick. This is a formal declaration from the Department of Correct Crushes. [pause] If your emergency plan does not include squirrels, your emergency plan is underfunded. [Verse 3] She’s got that girl-next-door If next door had feats That make power-scaling forums Fall out of their seats Not a goddess, not a monarch Not a cosmic machine Just a real one with curves And a victory streak She’s the type you’d bring home Then panic with pride Like, “Ma, be normal, She has saved worlds outside” She’d compliment your cooking Pet the dog, fix your router Then beat some nightmare tyrant Without getting louder Everybody wants dangerous Till danger says “bet” Then they run to the woman With the acorn set And yeah, I said hottest Let the record reflect Not just body It’s the whole effect Joy with power Warmth with might Like sunshine learned kung fu And chose not to bite [Bridge – Almost Love Song / Sincere] Hold up... Maybe that’s why she hits different She don’t need the world To call her divine She just shows up laughing And protects the line There’s something rare In being soft and strong In staying kind When the fight goes long She makes power look playful Makes courage look clean Makes saving the day Feel sweet, not mean No cape ranking needed No discourse to spin She’s the full patch notes For how heroes win [Final Chorus – Bigger / Crush Anthem] Y’all been sleepin’ on Squirrel Girl Wake up, fix your files She got hero in her heart And victory in her smile Thick tail, thick thighs Big brain, bright eyes She ain’t just cute She’s the reason doom dies Y’all been sleepin’ on Squirrel Girl Run the rankings again That’s beauty, brains, and chaos With a woodland friend Love song? Maybe. Threat report? True. If she ever needs a hype man I’m available too [Outro – Spoken / Chitter SFX] Final assessment: S-tier heroine. S-tier crush. S-tier emergency squirrel infrastructure. [pause] And yes... I would absolutely hold her acorns. Respectfully. [End]