Gary's Queso

[Verse 1] Walked into the backyard party at a quarter after eight Saw Gary by the table with a steaming bowl of queso on a plate Everybody grabbed a chip and started lining up for more Gary stood behind the counter like he'd done this all before Chad took a giant scoop and said, “Damn, this shit is good” Jessica grabbed a second one like any sane person would Steve took a little taste and tried to hide his own surprise “Gary, what the hell did you put in this? This is actually nice” [Internal Dialogue – Steve] Okay... I don't wanna give him credit But this is fucking incredible Creamy, salty, little sharp And there's something weirdly sweet about it Melissa dipped her chip and said, “What kind of cheese is this?” Gary smiled and wiped his hands and said, “You really wanna know?” Trevor took another bite and said, “It's got a strange little kick” Gary nodded proudly and said, “That's from the artisanal mix” [Internal Dialogue – Melissa] Why does it taste so rich? Why's there something slightly smoky? And why does Gary keep scratching his ear? [Gary] You gotta let it age a little That's where you get the flavor [Chorus] “WHAT THE HELL IS IN THIS QUESO?!” Everybody stopped with a chip halfway to their mouth “WHAT THE HELL IS IN THIS QUESO?!” Gary just kept grinning while the whole room started to shout “WHY DOES IT TASTE SO GOOD?! WHY DOES IT TASTE SO SWEET?!” Gary said, “That’s the secret that makes my queso elite” “WHAT THE HELL IS IN THIS QUESO?!” Gary scratched behind his ear and said: “YOU’RE EATING MY EARWAX, BRO!” [Verse 2] Nobody touched the queso, nobody made a sound Gary looked around the room and wondered why they frowned Chad slowly dropped his chip and stared into the bowl Steve whispered, “I just ate six...” and started losing control Melissa backed away and said, “Gary, that's disgusting!” Gary shook his head and said, “You're thinking way too trusting” “It's perfectly natural, and it's packed with flavor too” Trevor yelled, “THAT'S NOT HOW YOU MAKE QUESO!” [Internal Dialogue – Steve] I knew there was something wrong I knew it all along But I kept going back for more Because the fucking taste was strong Gary reached behind his ear and scraped his fingers with a grin “Don't waste the good stuff, people, this is where the flavor's in” [Pre-Chorus] “Gary... man... please tell me that's not fresh” Gary smiled real wide and said: “Fresh is for amateurs. Aged is best.” [Chorus] “WHAT THE HELL IS IN THIS QUESO?!” Everybody backed away while Gary reached for more “WHAT THE HELL IS IN THIS QUESO?!” Gary said, “You people loved it five minutes before!” “WHY DOES IT TASTE SO GOOD?! WHY DOES IT TASTE SO SWEET?!” Chad whispered, “I hate myself...” Then grabbed another heap “WHAT THE HELL IS IN THIS QUESO?!” Gary scratched behind his ear and said: “YOU’RE EATING MY EARWAX, BRO!” [Bridge] Gary pulled a cooler from the kitchen floor Opened up the lid and revealed about a dozen more “Smoked, sharp, mild, and aged I've got a whole array” Melissa screamed, “YOU HAVE DIFFERENT FLAVORS OF EARWAX TODAY!?" [Internal Dialogue – Trevor] Why is there a sampler? Why is there a menu? Why does “extra sharp” Actually sound good? [Gary] This one's from the left ear This one's from the right This one's been aging For a very long time [Drunk Guy] I'll take the left one. [Everyone] NO! [Final Chorus] “WHAT THE HELL IS IN THIS QUESO?!” Neighbors hit the driveway while Gary yelled for more “WHAT THE HELL IS IN THIS QUESO?!” He raised the bowl up proudly as they ran toward the door “WHY DOES IT TASTE SO GOOD?! WHY DOES IT TASTE SO SWEET?!” Gary shouted, “THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HARVEST FROM THE HEAT!” “WHAT THE HELL IS IN THIS QUESO?!” Gary scratched his ear and yelled: “YOU’RE EATING MY EARWAX, BRO!” [Outro] [Gary] Wait! I haven't shown you the smoked batch. [Steve] GARY, NO! [LOUD CHIP CRUNCH] [Gary] ...Pretty good, right?